strangee

One of Eddie Murphy's old school 80's movies had a character named Strangee. I think it was coming to america or something of the sort. I'm hereby naming 2009 after Strangee. As this calender year comes to a close, I can't help but think of where I was at this time last year and how long this year has actually been for me. It's been at least 10 years within one, and at the same time I almost thought it would never come to an end. It seemed 2009 would go on forever.

Here we are about a day away from the beginning of the new calender year. I don't feel the same renewal as I do on Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashona, but it signifies something for me. It's some sort of culturally approved landmark that I can't help but notice as it passes by. With new years eve, I don't make resolutions as I do on Yom Kippur and it doesn't really feel like new years for me, until I look on my agenda or phone and see the date.

In Israel, it's become popular to celebrate sylvesters on new years eve as if to differentiate ourselves from the rest of the world but still celebrate and identify with Jan.1st. Lots of friends are holding big bashes and there's a holiday dinner for me to attend with my work colleagues if I'm able to finish work in time.

But the length of the year throws me for a loop. I can't believe it's over. I can't believe how different my life is now. I can't believe how I could never have predicted what happened over the past year. Somehow, I partially slumbered my way through the year buried in my attempts to reach professional goals which had clung to me like an anvil. I'm perched now on the other end of the year and I'm still breathing and love has revisited my life in surprising ways. I'm being productive and overworked, but I've felt genuine happiness again. I'm a little less perfectionist and a lot more open in my personal relationships and the dividends have wrapped me in enough warmth to supplant the warmest goose down duvet.

As I tip toe into the new calender year, it almost feels like I could redo 2009, but we can never get back time lost, so I hope that all my choices allow me to carpe diem into the next decade. I'm listening closely to the murmurs under my sternum and will allow my battered but almost healed heart to have more of a say again in the direction of my life.