lov-ed

I'm going to call myself the human vortex, sucking myself into myself. Does that even make any sense? There's one person who I loved more deeply than I ever thought that I could love and who I ached for, so long after we fell apart. Now my life has taken me along new pathways, into uncharted territory as I face the possibility of a new relationship and yet cannot fathom ever losing the beautiful, messy, painful and inimitable experience that I once had. I feel such deep loss and yet also a tentative gain.

Maybe it's not so much a goodbye to what was as it is a chance to see what the future brings for everyone. Maybe a week from now, maybe 3 months from now, maybe 6 months from now, I'll feel different. I'm trying to see this as if I owe it to myself to give this new relationship a small chance. I never ever thought I could say that. But why does such a healthy thing to do hurt so much right now? Is that normal? It's not like I'm so normal anyway.