Sunday, August 23, 2009
1/12th of a year
It takes about a month for me to feel as if my heart can beat again after each contact. The distance of a month numbs everything and allows my world to begin to revibe. Those months add up and years fly by. I don't want these years to be wasted ones. We're here to add what we can to life. Should I let the months add up, these years most certainly will allow failure to accrue. It's been about a month since his last email and I've almost reached the warm threshold of numbness again. It's not entirely myself but it's a state of function. It's a state of equilibrium.
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4 comments:
When I've been in terrible pain, I longed for numbness. Eventually the numbness turns into disregard until finally you can come across that person and just feel....normal. It will happen.
I hate that it takes me a long time like you are saying to get out of that feeling.
I just hate it.
The numbness will turn to life. the trick is to keep moving. even if some days you can just move half a step, keep moving.
a close friend of mine from mexico who I had a summer fling with years ago, was in israel visiting a few weeks back. between the two of us we create some great energy and it was an instant mood uplifter. Anyway, we walked over to the florentine area of tel aviv late one night and in the type of reflective mood that is only brought on by a particular 2am blanket of night matched with an extraordinary glass of wine shared between two, we talked about how everything comes down to the simple acts of breathing and putting one foot in front of the other whether it's in relation to a marathon or a career because eventually you find it in yourself to create the right framework to fast forward again. So, Ricardo you're right on about doing the half step, shuffle step... S., I will do everything I can to not come across him because it feels better that way. Desperado, I actually now feel that I can trust my estimate of a month. This gives me hope during moments when things are just all too much. Sometimes we can find patterns in ourselves. That seems to be my time pattern.
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