stressball in play

There are moments where I feel like I'm a conduit for all the conflict in this country. Moments where I feel as if I'm being whipped with streams of hot air and gravelly dirt for just existing. I love this country with crazy glue like strength. I was born with it in my heart and this is why i can understand the palestinian longing for their own homeland, even if that homeland was not of their birth. But even with the incredible hulk like power of attraction to Israel, I sometimes feel a primal scream of enough welling up in my throat. I'm not sure if this is just who I've become post break-up or whether this is natural outlay of living in a region with such a profoundly aggressive culture, but at times I have to control myself to prevent a full fledge tantrum from developing. I'm not even a tantrum person. It usually takes a momentous amount to push me to the edge where I'm likely to lose my temper because I tend to rationalize away my anger. I thought to some extent that I had already become who I was going to be as an individual but living here has proved me wrong as it's challenged all my assumptions about myself and my people. Life seems to be about being a work in progress...