In times of depression, be they economic or emotional, there are a few types of therapy that give me an instant lift.
1. A good hard training session always does it, and particularly if it's a swim session ( I miss my swim training! Hope that my shoulder heals already, although I do need to take the time to be proactive about it. After 9 months, it's time to be proactive about physiotherapy or surgery.)
2. A long and meticulously thorough cleaning session where I'm compelled to clean the crevices or my windowsills and underneath the refrigerator. My cleaning perfectionism comes out in moments like this. It's an all or nothing endeavour.
3. Retail therapy feels so good. That moment when you've picked something that fits you perfectly and makes you feel 10 times better wearing it than when you walked in not wearing it is entirely worth the pain in my non-existent wallet. Sometimes I'll actually change in the store. It could be the perfect mint coloured silk bra from Italy with matching low rise underwear or a silver belt that thinly wraps around like a knotted greek snake to give your dress that added kick or a three quarter sleeve tunic with buttons down and an a-line which looks perfect as a dress. It doesn't really matter what it is as long as it speaks to me.
All three worked in synergy to combat my mood today. We do what we can. At least I can take solace in the face that I'm probably saving myself money in paxil, prozac, or ativan. I've seriously considered putting myself on all three for the first time ever. This has been the first year where I've longed to not feel anything, it's the type of feeling that only drugs can create for you. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, my responsibilities here make me too accountable and I can't afford to numb myself into a stupor.
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Paxil and Prozac are the same class of drugs and, in my opinion, a total waste of time and carbon copies of each other. Most SSRI's are decedents/offshoots of prozac with some having more sedatives than others but they are more or less the same drug. They change one little thing about prozac and presto, it's a new drug and they still have no clue how this new so called "innovative" SSRI works. These drugs and their side effects are total ripoffs. They tried putting me on some for my panic disorder and I gave up on them. I became sweaty, inert and bloated. PASS!!!
Continue shopping.
wow. I was just thinking about how full of sh*t I am sometimes. I don't think I would put myself on this stuff, but I do think it would make my life easier right now.
In some ways it would but not in positive ways. You'd just become indifferent. So basically problems would still be there but you wouldn't care. But the problems would get worse.
I do think the drugs will help in some cases but not as many as the harmacutical companies would have you think. I read a study somewhere that showed very little difference between the placebo and the actual SSRIs. Very telling.
Why do you feel that you are full of you know what?
of course, big pharma is only interested in the bottom line..dollars in.
psychiatry is a tricky area of medicine because the line is blurrred often between objective and subjective diagnosis. Even following diagnostic algorithms can lead to misdiagnosis because of human inconsistancy and the subjectiveness of psychiatry itself. the teaching is to default to drugs to modulate behaviour. It's not my area of medicine and has never really been an interest of mine. I was put off by my clerkship rotation. My clinical advisors seemed sometimes worse off than the patients.
My approach to medicine in general is a bit more holistic and I think that's the direction that modern medicine is heading.
Why am I full of sh*t sometimes? well, I sometimes get sick of reading my own writing or hearing back what I've said. in the morning I can be full of vinegar and by the afternoon i've turned into apple juice. I can feel completely emo, listen to leonard cohen wrist slashing music, and the go for a run and forgive the world.
My dramatic subterranean emotions embarrass me sometimes even if no one can tell because my smile reveals nothing, but my blog preserves it for posterity.
The other day I was thinking about death and the type of pain that pushes someone over the edge to end the pain. I wrote a long post which I didn't publish and I was suddenly awash in sorrow re-experiencing my own losses. Then, after a run I realized that this year I've become an expert in overdramatics and wallowing, one moment so low as I think about unresolved heartache and the next full of hope for the future.
It makes me feel momentarily full of sh*t.
Yes, I have big problems with psychiatry leaning toward medicine to correct problems as this only masks the symptoms. I prefer psychology and behavior modification especially if the problem is something that started later in life. It is clearly learned and the real cure is to undo the bad behaviors through new behaviors and making it habit. I got far more out of meditation and self induced exposure therapy than any pill. I read many books on tackling my disorder written by psychologists and they worked way better than the pills.
Speaking of holistic health, my stomach issues were knocked out by going holistic and ditching the pharmaceuticals. People are wasting far too much money on drugs when natural cheaper cures are readily available.
I have wrote many of these kinds of posts that you speak of. In fact you could play Leonard Cohen and read along and they would fit perfectly. If you are able to snap yourself out of it and forgive by going for a run, then you have won half the battle. The demons are killed or lessened by pushing oneself forward and engaging in the world around them and getting out of themselves for a bit. I learned that being alone too much means that you are alone with your thoughts and if those thoughts are negative, they will mutate and take you hostage. This leads to all sorts of problems. You can get out of this.
sometimes I'm surrounded by people, even friends and remain completely alone with my thoughts. Do you ever find yourself capable of slipping into a sea of thought so deep that you forget where you are and you reimagine old conversations and moments as if you were reliving them?
It does make me happier when I'm with friends, as it works with you, but also if I'm feeling like I can't bring them up and spread good cheer then I'll often choose to spend time on my own.
"Do you ever find yourself capable of slipping into a sea of thought so deep that you forget where you are and you reimagine old conversations and moments as if you were reliving them?"
This happens to me A LOT! and it perpetuates the cycle because as you point out, you feel as if you're not good company.
So you withdraw and go it alone and feel worse. You resurface eventually, yes, but it's very inconsistent and you become aloof.
so maybe it's a good thing that I'm a workaholic. less time to be introspective ;-)
it may not work if youre an actor though since your job kind of requires you to be reflective constantly to get into the character or do you do the method thing and get totally into the character? Is is like therapy for you at all?
Yes it is like therapy. It forces you to be in tune with your emotions and honest with them and then you get to better read other peoples behaviors.
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