under a bridge in a riptide

time is entirely relative. i've known that since before physics classes and theories that seemingly had no relevance to my daily life. i've watched it speed up and slow down in front of me as I've aged.

we're almost at the new year. some events still feel like they happened only yesterday, and at the same time the year feels like the longest I've felt since my childhood when time made it self less obtrusive and eternity felt like reality.

I've had many invitations from friends in Israel to join their families for Rosh Hashona. I don't think I'm going to take any of them up on it. I'm feeling like I might want to catch a flight to tuscany or maybe even head to the sinai. Perhaps a quiet evening on the beach outside of tel aviv will fit my approach to bringing in the new year. Each evening around 10pm, if I'm home early, I can catch the boys and men of tel aviv practicing their shofar blowing. The deep tones of the shofar streaming through my window. People have already begun cooking and the stores are full of people buying things in preparation of the holidays. I miss my family very much, and to me the holidays are essentially about bringing together the family. But, this year I may just be a little bit too vulnerable and my pockets a little bit too empty to be with my own family.

I was at the kotel this evening in jerusalem and was able to say my own special prayers before the throngs descend in celebration of rosh hashana. I could never feel as spiritual or connected within the 4 walls of a toronto synagogue.