I am completely lacking in the ability to stay angry at someone. I just can't do it. Yes, I have my flaring moments of full on passion but most of the time I can keep my temper under control. My anger tends to lean on a hidden simmer during the times that i'm upset about someone or something. But my simmer dies quickly, especially when it comes to people, even the people I want to be angry with.
Right now I'm feeling reluctantly empathetic as I battle my own default to empathy. Everyone passes through the cosmic trashbin of life experiences but that doesn't make it any more comforting during the dirtiest times. I feel bad for someone in particular who is now feeling deep pain but has no idea how to reach out. I also can't help but be astounded by those who find it in themselves to separate their rational self from their emotional self for the purpose of reflection. Maybe it's not as much reflection as it is a mechanism to cope. I'm not criticizing at all. I see people in shades and half shades of colour and light and feel that there are very few who are truly bad including those who treat us truly poorly. Tonight as I come home at 1am from a long day, capped by a fashionably late dinner with an out of town colleague at tel aviv's herbert samual (where the food is actually too pretty to eat but smells too good not to eat), I feel a deep sadness that displaces the anger that was once powerful and at the same time I know that I don't wish any sorrow on anyone.
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Yes, this is a hard one. I agree with you as I think people are basically good, but do lousy things either from ignorance, selfishness or conditioning. Some are able to admit their flaws and strive to overcome them; there are others who refuse to confront them (I have a sister like this). She is someone who will always blame someone else--never take responsibility, conveniently forget whatever harm she has done and show amazing heartlessness when it comes even to her own daughter. So I think I follow you.
What I learned from my sister is this: if she needs me, I will be there as she is my blood. But I can't trust her with my heart and my true self--later when she has recovered from whatever is upsetting her, she will turn on me because she cannot handle any criticism or see herself in a negative light. So I've learned to detach.
I'm sorry about your friend. Maybe he/she will learn to reach out--maybe he/she just hasn't had enough life experience to figure out how. This may be a chance for growth; I always hope for the best, but try not to be too surprised when I am disappointed.
Sorry so long! By the way, my sister's subspecialty is AIDS research--she's written articles on the use of acupunture in fullblown AIDS cases. She is a great doctor; I once worked for her as a translator (I speak Spanish) and when our mom died, she and I worked as a team to care for her in the hospital--I was like her physician's assistant. This is my other sister--not the one I mentioned above. I'm really proud of her; she has helped so many people--an amazing person.
that's fantastic. i haven't read much on the use of acupuncture as a treatment modality for AIDs but I'm guessing that she was evaluating it as an adjunct to pain relief therapy? it's very rare to hear of internists delving in CAM therapy or homeopathic treatment, although it's becoming more and more accepted to evaluate it's use for inclusion as part of a holistic treatment approach. Translators are such great help. I'm going to the congo in december for a medical mission and am trying to convince one of my closest friends to come as a translator because it makes everything go so much more smoothly and so much of medicine involves full and proper communication. Her boyfriend is coming as a journalist with our team and so she was worried that she would just be a bystander in a highly dangerous conflict zone, but in fact she'll be a key part of the team. I'm very sorry to hear about your mom but I'm certain that it gave her comfort and pleasure to know that her two daughters were both working together to care for her during a difficult time.
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