eeechhh

Hydration, glucogenation, and caffeination are taking their affect on my neural pathways but my killer headache remains and I'm feeling on the edge of being really sick. Today as I was walking back home in the middle of a torrential downpour, some random musician guy started chatting me up as we waited in a puddle for the crossing light to turn green. he was cute, and said his music was kind of a mix of the beatles and ehud banai. He's coming out with a new hebrew compilation this month. Being the ex-music geek that I am, I had to know more but it comes at the risk of owing to balance the information equilibrium.

He asked what I do and I was as ambiguous as possible so to not encourage him to think that he could pick me up, but he kept walking beside me and telling me about his music. We ended our walk at the same place as he was going to a birthday party for a musician friend of his at the bar next door to the little bauhaus walkup that I call home. He asked if I would come and join but I begged off. I have a weakness for talented, sensitive, moody, whippet smart musicians, and it's best to stay as far away as possible lest I break my benedictan chastity vow and get unwillingly drawn into the relationship red zone which I will avoid come hell or the most beautifully tangled melodicist cum lyricist in Israel. I've laid down the gauntlet and no one shall cross. I have few free minutes to myself anyway. Many israeli men will try to pick up a duck billed platypus if it means there's a possibility of immediate nocturnal gymnastics.

My biggest asset is my lack of romantic entanglement. I can offer my superiors all of myself in time and effort because I can work day and night and weekends without worrying about the need to run home for dinner. It gives me an edge.

I experienced this in play today as we had a midday conference, where two of the female doctors in attendance had their babies with them as they were all coming back from maternity leave. The entire meeting involved baby cries that wouldn't be tolerated anywhere but in Israel, where family accommodations are common. listening to the babies cry, I realized that I need to capitalize on my freedom to work whenever and wherever without limitation, because this will help me climb in a profession where there are few women at the top.

I used to want a family, not marriage, but a family of my own. This desire shocked me because there was only one person who I've ever felt that I wanted that with. I have a strong maternal instinct and this is definitely one of my weaknesses, but one that I can channel through my profession. It doesn't have to be channeled through reproduction.