People around me have commented before about their thoughts on someone who has been completely awful to me, despite my absolute decision to not take it personally and to continue to offer everything that I can as a human being. It's hard not to take things to heart when someone is determined to put you down at every occasion with graphic verbal slices. But realistically, certain behaviour when repeated over and over in a pattern can allow us to rationalize away the hurt by deciding that the behaviour and comments themselves are major symptoms of a far reaching underlying pathology.
I'm so lucky that by chance I met someone who has come to truly love me and who allows me to love him. It's probably the first time I've been able to really open myself to someone and fully trust and be together in a true partnership where I'm not afraid to get torn apart and I have the support to jump up and excel with consistent work.
This warm space of trust and intimacy has been my refuge and prevented me from falling when under attack by Mr. kissanddagger. I pray for the strength to continue building this foundation for something beautiful and for the ability to be as true with each other as humanly possible so that the foundation can never be destroyed by any kissanddagger.
At the same time it astonishes me that kissanddagger can ask me for the world in one breath, have me do everything possible to give it to him, and then in the next breath try to slay me for wanting a little bit of distance.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
It's important that if the negative comments become too pervasive that you do not accept them as the norm in order to be with that person. Too much of it can cut you off at the knees and spill into other things. It can destroy your quality of life.
Hi Ricardo, I accepted them as the norm for an exceptionally long time until I recovered my self respect and realized that just because I loved that person and still do that their impressions aren't shared by all. More importantly, I'm now in a healthy relationship where I feel heard, affirmed and supported. I didn't expect to ever be in a relationship again but I guess after a long a hard recovery, the timing was right and I could slowly let someone special into my life. But this time my relationship expectations are different. Choosing to move on and not try to salvage much from the past was a most difficult decision and an even more difficult process to carry through. It had nothing to do with lacking love and everything to do with shifting needs and expectations. Maybe this is a bit clinical of me but I needed to not fall backwards.
Post a Comment