ICC or FLKLKJLKJW

I'm in the process of writing an advocacy paper for a hypothetical situation where an new anti terrorism NGO in Israel has decided to up the ante, play some legal tennis and lob a lawsuit into the ICC against Mahmoud Abbas for funding terrorism activities through the PLO. To do this, I'm playing around with light terms like command responsibility, reviewing all terrorist actions since 2002, and then matching everything up with the Rome Statute and the body of material in the Geneva Convention. I'd much rather be baking in advance of my closest friends shower on tuesday.....oh distraction how do I love thee, let me count the ways!

collecting and reframing

I feel the need to reframe my thoughts and shift my perspectives. This happens to me periodically when my weltershang, my worldview, gets shaken up. I like to be challenged to rethink, although sometimes it's embarrassing and painful as new realizations and variable awarenesses flower.

wanted...

what do I want in a relationship? of course the usual;love, validation, respect, communication, and so forth. But realistically how much of this do I need? I realized that I need the affection that when wrapped around me, extends to the rest of my life and allows me to flourish with my life commitments. I need the kisses and the warm caresses as nourishment. I also need to be myself. This is key for me because I feel like I'm quite verbose in the expression of my personality.

I need to be able to dance at will, or sing along to the car radio or in a stairwell or taste the chocolate that's melted on another tongue first. If I try to hold back when the music moves me or hold in the tickling of my vocal cords it makes me feel stunted.

training in motion

so it's 2010. I'm not at all ready to hop into the pool and start training again, as my shoulder is sharply painful which probably isn't helped by the fact that I regularly carry a shoulder bag which weighs about the same as I do. I stuff it with everything I own just to be prepared for any and all emergencies.

But, over the next few days, in the sphere of my sport, I'm going to transition over to focusing on being lighter so that when I do return to a slightly more intense and slightly more voluminous training schedule that the restriction doesn't interfere heavily with the intensity that I'm able to hold while training.

A friend of mine, also in medicine, went to a weight loss specialist who placed him on a program based on a breath metabolic analysis and he's managed to lose close to 30k over the past few months. It cost him several thousand shekels and I'm supposed to be learning how to save, not spend, so I'll resort to that only if I'm desperate for a kick start.

The blunt...J. Blunt.

I have seen peace, I have seen pain, resting on the shoulders of your name...
Do you see the truth.. through all the lies?
do you see the world through troubled eyes?

should I feel a fright?...is my fire of hesitation burning bright?

...you and I have lived through many things...I wouldn't cry for just anything......

would I leave?

I might consider leaving next year, I think. If I got into my choice training program at Harvard through Brigham Womens or Mass Gen in Boston, I might just consider going and then coming back. I wonder if I could do it. I would miss Israel madly. Maybe this is a pie in the sky dream, but my scores are step one. done. An actual application would be step two and then the process begins...I'm tenacious but the competition would be steep. However, having training in Boston would enhance my ability to contribute here by far. At some point, I'll get there but is the timing now? maybe not.

pure insanity

what do you do with a love that makes no sense, that drives you crazy with it's irrationality and power to remain despite everything? What kind of insane emotion can make me feel like a sentimental, tempermental, maniac, having to hold myself back lest I fall down down down the slippery slope into a river fed by waters i've never known? what is this messed up intensity that I have so little power over?