sum of course

I don't believe in jealousy as a concept, nor do I support it in practice. Especially, when it's spawned by the natural cycles of life. We live in ebbs and flows. Our experiences carry us just like waves carry frothy foam which rises and retreats from shore. One moment my life may be sweller than fresh guava juice and the next it may taste of briney sea salt. For me, it feels like the kicker is sticking in for the long haul because as long as good ethics are in place and I'm living according to the value set that I believe in, I'll make it through to the next plateau and maybe even scale a peak or two.

Life, to me, doesn't ever seem to be an easy binary division of good vs. bad. My career is on track and many opportunities have arisen to be somewhat of a changemaker in my field. Leading can be an experience filled with fear and anxiety and this I've experienced a hundred fold as I can't stand the thought of making mistakes. But, my approach has been to force myself to bypass hesitation and dive in giving weight to the trust that I should have in myself.

I'm in a tropical plateau with lush greenery around me in my mind, but nothing is perfect and everyone deals with difficulty of some sort.

This upcoming week, in the middle of passover, on a date for spring's fools, my father will be going for another medical procedure to follow up on the state of his severly blocked coronary arteries. I've arranged to be with my family during this time and the anxiety in my family home is palpable, but nothing nearly like what it would be if our family was broken or apart. In this role that I slip into of eldest daughter, I have to seal my lips and bury my personal fear so that I can summon the strength of granite to try and support my parents. We all lean on eachother, so none of us can collapse or we will fall hard and that's just not an option.

I would never wish for someone else's lot in life because there's no such thing as a perfectly smooth and easy life. I would rather take the reigns and create whatever goodness that I can with my own hands in the dark moist soil of life. We all have the ability in us to hold on until we
can regain our footing and propel forward again into the flow of life's nectar.