Tuesday, October 27, 2009
excitement...
One of my closest and dearest friends in israel just got engaged so I'm going to be wedding planning and shower planning for January!!! I have no idea how to do a shower in israel... nevermind, how do I help plan a wedding here!!! It's going to be insane! They're beautiful together. Good things happen to good people... not that I ever want to be married but for those that do I'm all for it.
Tug or Hug
And it happens again. Heavens to merketroid...as sylvester the cat would say.
My heartstrings are being tugged despite my greatest resistance...I always wish that I could do something to help but I guess it's totally just not my place. Resisting the urge to help takes so much energy.
My heartstrings are being tugged despite my greatest resistance...I always wish that I could do something to help but I guess it's totally just not my place. Resisting the urge to help takes so much energy.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Reviving Ben Yehuda
As the clock ticked over to 7pm last night, my computer decided to throw a tantrum and shut down on me when I was in the midst of trying to reach an important deadline. After struggling with it for an hour or so I decided to shut it down and went to meet up with some friends to chat and stretch my legs out a bit on walk down Ben Yehuda.
ben yehuda was the chief instigator of a revival of the hebrew language as a viable possibility in the fledgling jewish state.
Now the street named after him in Tel Aviv echoes with hebrew and a polyglot of foreign languages that would probably make ben yehuda roll over in his grave, since rumour had it that he even punished his wife for singing russian lullabies to his son.
As we walked along the snaking road we reached one of the quieter sections before allenby and almost stumbled directly on top of a homeless man who had collapsed in the middle of the sidewalk.
A sweet guy from france has stopped just before us and had already called the magen david ambulance, so I cautiously stepped towards him to see whether he was conscious and breathing, create a barrier so that people wouldn't step on him, and determine what needed to be done for him in advance of magen david arriving.
I roused him and ensured that he would be stable and the ambulance came fairly quickly. Thank goodness for purell as I didn't have any gloves with me.
This was a curious study in humanity and israel. Given that this was a homeless alcoholic who probably suffered from several diseases, many people here tend to overlook his existance. It's a shame and very easy for someone in his situation to fall through the cracks anywhere. But, the younger generation in Israel stops and notices and always offers to help.
Once I had stopped there were several young people who gathered to see if they could be of assistance and more so to that, when the ambulance came, three strong young men were recruited off the street to help the ambulance attendants lift up the wheeled gurney. Three perfect strangers came together in seconds and functioned like a well oiled machineto get the man into the ambulance. It was beautiful and in seconds they had scattered as quickly as they had arrived, on their way to whence they had come.
The humanity and sense of communal responsibility here is so beautifully encouraging in the face of all the rough edges we complain so often about.
While I admire and appreciate this revelation, I've once again taken up my hebrew textbook and signed up for the imaginary ben yehuda corps.
ben yehuda was the chief instigator of a revival of the hebrew language as a viable possibility in the fledgling jewish state.
Now the street named after him in Tel Aviv echoes with hebrew and a polyglot of foreign languages that would probably make ben yehuda roll over in his grave, since rumour had it that he even punished his wife for singing russian lullabies to his son.
As we walked along the snaking road we reached one of the quieter sections before allenby and almost stumbled directly on top of a homeless man who had collapsed in the middle of the sidewalk.
A sweet guy from france has stopped just before us and had already called the magen david ambulance, so I cautiously stepped towards him to see whether he was conscious and breathing, create a barrier so that people wouldn't step on him, and determine what needed to be done for him in advance of magen david arriving.
I roused him and ensured that he would be stable and the ambulance came fairly quickly. Thank goodness for purell as I didn't have any gloves with me.
This was a curious study in humanity and israel. Given that this was a homeless alcoholic who probably suffered from several diseases, many people here tend to overlook his existance. It's a shame and very easy for someone in his situation to fall through the cracks anywhere. But, the younger generation in Israel stops and notices and always offers to help.
Once I had stopped there were several young people who gathered to see if they could be of assistance and more so to that, when the ambulance came, three strong young men were recruited off the street to help the ambulance attendants lift up the wheeled gurney. Three perfect strangers came together in seconds and functioned like a well oiled machineto get the man into the ambulance. It was beautiful and in seconds they had scattered as quickly as they had arrived, on their way to whence they had come.
The humanity and sense of communal responsibility here is so beautifully encouraging in the face of all the rough edges we complain so often about.
While I admire and appreciate this revelation, I've once again taken up my hebrew textbook and signed up for the imaginary ben yehuda corps.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
so mad mad mad
I get mad when I feel powerless.
I'm furious with my mother tonight. We SMS a million times a day and she calls me all night long for random conversation, but she has the ability to drive me to the brink.
My mother is the quintessential 1950's wife transported to 2009, and with the addition of major attitude. I love her to the ends of the earth.
One thing I absolutely can't tolerate in any way shape or form is smoke. That's a tough one in a country where smoking is sadly still considered cool and where people still deny the relationship between smoking and heart disease and lung cancer and so on and so forth.
My last roomate would smoke so much that I would come home at night and my bed would smell like an ashtray. She denied that she was a smoker but we would find packages of cigarettes in the freezer, butts in the living room and the place stunk and hurt my lungs every time I slept. I never confronted her but my friends did.
My father went back to work but had a career change backwards recently. Post heart attack, for reasons I still don't comprehend, he went back to full time private practice law. His condition is iffy and I worry constantly, most especially tonight when I spoke with my Dad and found out that his new law office partner is a heavy smoker and despite the Canadian law against smoking in an office, he continues to do just that.
Smoking and Second hand smoke are equally toxic. My father has advanced coronary disease and needs every red blood cell to be free to carry oxygen not carbon monoxide. Second hand smoke even reduces cellular respiration at the level of the mitochondria drastically reducing exercise tolerance.
Second hand smoke speeds the development of atherosclerotic plaque in the coronary arteries which means blood can't get through and imagine this in a patient that already has over 98 percent blockage in three major arteries. In fact it's been shown that non smokers suffer greater effects from the smoke toxicity than smokers because it seems that smokers undergo morphological changes due to long term exposure to the toxins and carcinogens in the smoke.
Non smokers tend to have a geater sensitivity to even low doses of the toxic compounds. Recent studies in high impact medical journals have shown that that passive/second hand smoke causes heart disease at a 10 times higher rate on average in the U.S. than lung cancer, and heart disease is one of the top three leading causes of death in most developed countries.
I need my father exposed to this? My father who I would do anything for? My father who i've always wanted to be so much like?
How can my parents just quietly and meekly accept this? Why can't they speak up and do something? Why are they so hard to move towards any change, like durges floating in the wrong direction? Why do they never just stand up and fight?
I'm furious that they won't fight for something as important as life because they feel that if they ignore it it'll go away. Nothing goes away magically unless you deal with it.
I'm furious with my mother tonight. We SMS a million times a day and she calls me all night long for random conversation, but she has the ability to drive me to the brink.
My mother is the quintessential 1950's wife transported to 2009, and with the addition of major attitude. I love her to the ends of the earth.
One thing I absolutely can't tolerate in any way shape or form is smoke. That's a tough one in a country where smoking is sadly still considered cool and where people still deny the relationship between smoking and heart disease and lung cancer and so on and so forth.
My last roomate would smoke so much that I would come home at night and my bed would smell like an ashtray. She denied that she was a smoker but we would find packages of cigarettes in the freezer, butts in the living room and the place stunk and hurt my lungs every time I slept. I never confronted her but my friends did.
My father went back to work but had a career change backwards recently. Post heart attack, for reasons I still don't comprehend, he went back to full time private practice law. His condition is iffy and I worry constantly, most especially tonight when I spoke with my Dad and found out that his new law office partner is a heavy smoker and despite the Canadian law against smoking in an office, he continues to do just that.
Smoking and Second hand smoke are equally toxic. My father has advanced coronary disease and needs every red blood cell to be free to carry oxygen not carbon monoxide. Second hand smoke even reduces cellular respiration at the level of the mitochondria drastically reducing exercise tolerance.
Second hand smoke speeds the development of atherosclerotic plaque in the coronary arteries which means blood can't get through and imagine this in a patient that already has over 98 percent blockage in three major arteries. In fact it's been shown that non smokers suffer greater effects from the smoke toxicity than smokers because it seems that smokers undergo morphological changes due to long term exposure to the toxins and carcinogens in the smoke.
Non smokers tend to have a geater sensitivity to even low doses of the toxic compounds. Recent studies in high impact medical journals have shown that that passive/second hand smoke causes heart disease at a 10 times higher rate on average in the U.S. than lung cancer, and heart disease is one of the top three leading causes of death in most developed countries.
I need my father exposed to this? My father who I would do anything for? My father who i've always wanted to be so much like?
How can my parents just quietly and meekly accept this? Why can't they speak up and do something? Why are they so hard to move towards any change, like durges floating in the wrong direction? Why do they never just stand up and fight?
I'm furious that they won't fight for something as important as life because they feel that if they ignore it it'll go away. Nothing goes away magically unless you deal with it.
the 7 year itch
some people get the itch to move, or welcome drastic change after 7 years, others after 4, but the commonality is that here in Israel our right to freedom of movement is enshrined in the basic law of the country. We have the freedom to move within Israel and outside of Israel unrestricted in any way. This right can, for the most part, not be encroached upon.
Every jew and arab who holds Israeli citizenship is entitled to the same freedom.
The palestinian territories are a whole other can of fermented worms when it comes to rights and freedoms. How much should Israel be required to compromise it's security to allow freedom of movement for palestinian (non-israeli) citizens?
I don't see Israel as being particularly punitive in this regard. We have no business determining the movement patterns of palestinians within the palestinian territories, as long as that movement doesn't go beyond the borders of the territories and infringe upon israeli sovereign land.
why is israel obligated to provide entrance to our country and use of our airports and infrastructure to those who avow to destroy us? I'm bothered by the yearly news of thousands of palestinian students unable to leave to study at universities abroad because they can't obtain permission to enter israel and use Ben Gurion Airport. But, find another way. I realize that they have no airport of their own in the territories, so they can either apply to fly from Egypt or wait on a delayed response from israel.
I support the students access to education and if they don't pose a security risk than I'm all for allowing them to fly from ben gurion. However I understand that vetting them for security threats is laborious and time intensive. This delay in travelling to overseas universities has gone on for years, so instead of protesting and wasting time, the palestinians should be preparing a year in advance with eligible students to determine the best and fastest travel point so the palestinians who are interested in furthering their education and not in martyring themselves, have the opportunity to learn and help build a strong and stable palestinian nation prepared to live calmly side by side with israel.
Every jew and arab who holds Israeli citizenship is entitled to the same freedom.
The palestinian territories are a whole other can of fermented worms when it comes to rights and freedoms. How much should Israel be required to compromise it's security to allow freedom of movement for palestinian (non-israeli) citizens?
I don't see Israel as being particularly punitive in this regard. We have no business determining the movement patterns of palestinians within the palestinian territories, as long as that movement doesn't go beyond the borders of the territories and infringe upon israeli sovereign land.
why is israel obligated to provide entrance to our country and use of our airports and infrastructure to those who avow to destroy us? I'm bothered by the yearly news of thousands of palestinian students unable to leave to study at universities abroad because they can't obtain permission to enter israel and use Ben Gurion Airport. But, find another way. I realize that they have no airport of their own in the territories, so they can either apply to fly from Egypt or wait on a delayed response from israel.
I support the students access to education and if they don't pose a security risk than I'm all for allowing them to fly from ben gurion. However I understand that vetting them for security threats is laborious and time intensive. This delay in travelling to overseas universities has gone on for years, so instead of protesting and wasting time, the palestinians should be preparing a year in advance with eligible students to determine the best and fastest travel point so the palestinians who are interested in furthering their education and not in martyring themselves, have the opportunity to learn and help build a strong and stable palestinian nation prepared to live calmly side by side with israel.
Friday, October 23, 2009
suckus maximus
no this is not a post about whether you might like some saaaki...thank you austin powers. rather, I'm in a sinking energy boat consisting of me, myself, and I. My muscles have maybe 20 percent of the jump and active power that they had a mere three years ago. Last year it was so significant that I could actually sleep while racing. My heart rate wouldn't rise above 90.
Although some of the physical consequence as aptly demonstrated in the disappointments of my post-canada era racing and training has directly to do with the state of my iron levels and it's ultimate effect on the shape and number of my red blood cells and I can embark on an ambitious course to address this with ferrous sulfate, my mental fatigue requires a differant approach.
I really want to try a psychostimulant but it's banned.
Adderall and Ritalin are my dream drugs at the moment and I'm willing to bypass my lifelong avoidance of drugs, prescription ( with the exception of my ventolin for asthma) and non prescription, to reap the benefits of the lengthier attention span and decreased distractibility. But, I can't! It's banned by WADA, the governing anti drug body for international sport! Oh WADA, you paragon of archaic penality!
What about athletes with ADD who have zero cerebral executive function without a psychostimulant to address the problem? Are we creating a new category of dumb jocks or just cementing the image? Do I have to sacrifice my mental performance for physical performance? I can't really live with that idea, there has to be another way, but I'm textbook ADD.
Although some of the physical consequence as aptly demonstrated in the disappointments of my post-canada era racing and training has directly to do with the state of my iron levels and it's ultimate effect on the shape and number of my red blood cells and I can embark on an ambitious course to address this with ferrous sulfate, my mental fatigue requires a differant approach.
I really want to try a psychostimulant but it's banned.
Adderall and Ritalin are my dream drugs at the moment and I'm willing to bypass my lifelong avoidance of drugs, prescription ( with the exception of my ventolin for asthma) and non prescription, to reap the benefits of the lengthier attention span and decreased distractibility. But, I can't! It's banned by WADA, the governing anti drug body for international sport! Oh WADA, you paragon of archaic penality!
What about athletes with ADD who have zero cerebral executive function without a psychostimulant to address the problem? Are we creating a new category of dumb jocks or just cementing the image? Do I have to sacrifice my mental performance for physical performance? I can't really live with that idea, there has to be another way, but I'm textbook ADD.
Olim Lay Ethics
I never availed myself of the sal klita basket that immigrants to israel are entitled to. Besides the fact that when I came to Israel, not speaking a word of hebrew, not a soul in Haifa was able to process me in the government offices, I would have felt awkward about taking from a country that I wanted to add to and not subtract from. I was supposed to receive funding for my sport from my association, but that never materialized and though I felt wronged then, I never felt entitled enough to pursue it.
Apparantly this feeling is not shared by all anglo olim who often feel that we came to Israel and should be supported and treated like royalty for gracing israel's rental market with our mere presence. The attitude is abhorrant to me.
I don't think that the country owes us anything except for the right to participate in it's direction and function as any other citizen is entitled to do.
What makes anglo olim so righteous in claiming EI benefits when they are already re-employed? so it's not a million dollar scam...it's still scamming the government of a country that we're supposed to be here to support. The sum doesn't prevent basic ethics from applying.
The attitude which exists, not only in the anglo Olim community, makes me itch like a case of cholinergic urticaria. I'm allegic to it, it irritates me, and I can't support it. It contributes to the creation of a schism in the state that separates the anglo Olim and the rest of the country and realistically if everyone had that attitude then the country would fall fairly quickly.
Israel owes us nothing except the right to participate in collective determinism. We have a role in how our country progresses. How Israel looks 60 years from now depends on our attitudes and commitment. Take that and put it in your back pocket.
Apparantly this feeling is not shared by all anglo olim who often feel that we came to Israel and should be supported and treated like royalty for gracing israel's rental market with our mere presence. The attitude is abhorrant to me.
I don't think that the country owes us anything except for the right to participate in it's direction and function as any other citizen is entitled to do.
What makes anglo olim so righteous in claiming EI benefits when they are already re-employed? so it's not a million dollar scam...it's still scamming the government of a country that we're supposed to be here to support. The sum doesn't prevent basic ethics from applying.
The attitude which exists, not only in the anglo Olim community, makes me itch like a case of cholinergic urticaria. I'm allegic to it, it irritates me, and I can't support it. It contributes to the creation of a schism in the state that separates the anglo Olim and the rest of the country and realistically if everyone had that attitude then the country would fall fairly quickly.
Israel owes us nothing except the right to participate in collective determinism. We have a role in how our country progresses. How Israel looks 60 years from now depends on our attitudes and commitment. Take that and put it in your back pocket.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Mars Attacks!
In 1996, a cult sci-fi comedy came out to mixed feedback. It was a tim burton flick and was deliciously dumb, yet it had a few clever moments of black satire.
Mars Attacks depicted random martians coming down to earth, of course to the U.S. being that it's the center of the planet, ostensibly to make peace and they would broadcast peace messages through a universal translator machine with maxims like "we come in peace" and "do not fear us we want love".
Desperate to make a good impression the president sends his chief of staff to meet them in front of an audience at a landing site in Nevada. All the hippies in the country show up and upon hearing the martians say " we only want peace between our people", they release a dove which is promptly zapped by the martians as a prelude to incinerating everyone present.
The martians fly back up above the earth and the president of the U.S. decides that it must be a cultural misunderstanding that caused the violence and he agrees to allow the martians to address parliament, at which point the martian leader pulls out a speech with one hand and a taser with the other and proceeds to incinerate all of congress.
Throughout all these escapades the president refuses to fight or display aggression because he believes their platitudes of peace and desire for harmony, even though they keep proving him wrong up until he's speared by a martian. None of the americans want to believe that the message of peace is just a cover.
We all want to live in a world of harmony, where everything functions and there's no disease, poverty or hunger, and war has been eradicated. But sometimes it's worth reading between and under the lines to preserve the state of a nation and it's people. History is fluid however patterns will forever abound, and it behooves us to maintain an awareness of this when we'd rather be flattered and tickled by warm and cozy pronouncements and agreements. Looking the gift horse in the mouth won't do it, we need to determine who's giving the horse a voice.
Mars Attacks depicted random martians coming down to earth, of course to the U.S. being that it's the center of the planet, ostensibly to make peace and they would broadcast peace messages through a universal translator machine with maxims like "we come in peace" and "do not fear us we want love".
Desperate to make a good impression the president sends his chief of staff to meet them in front of an audience at a landing site in Nevada. All the hippies in the country show up and upon hearing the martians say " we only want peace between our people", they release a dove which is promptly zapped by the martians as a prelude to incinerating everyone present.
The martians fly back up above the earth and the president of the U.S. decides that it must be a cultural misunderstanding that caused the violence and he agrees to allow the martians to address parliament, at which point the martian leader pulls out a speech with one hand and a taser with the other and proceeds to incinerate all of congress.
Throughout all these escapades the president refuses to fight or display aggression because he believes their platitudes of peace and desire for harmony, even though they keep proving him wrong up until he's speared by a martian. None of the americans want to believe that the message of peace is just a cover.
We all want to live in a world of harmony, where everything functions and there's no disease, poverty or hunger, and war has been eradicated. But sometimes it's worth reading between and under the lines to preserve the state of a nation and it's people. History is fluid however patterns will forever abound, and it behooves us to maintain an awareness of this when we'd rather be flattered and tickled by warm and cozy pronouncements and agreements. Looking the gift horse in the mouth won't do it, we need to determine who's giving the horse a voice.
reality bitten
israeli culture is very much an "in your face" culture. Great value is placed on the concept of realness, but in actual translation the realness has a limit. I often question whether this emphasis is due to a lack of tolerance for the niceties that lubricate social interaction, a lack of energy for pomp and circumstance, or if it reflects a true desire to know the substance of a persons intent.
On one hand it's blasphemous to hold your tongue in a situation of conflict because your true emotions aren't expressed, while on the other, outward signs of wayward realness are acceptable. By this I mean that it's common to walk through the streets and see women with olive skin and bleach blond hair who have invested thousands into rhinoplasty, breast augmentation, laser resurfacing,inconspicuous behind the ear facelifts, permanant makeup, brazilian straightening, and so on and so forth.
I've long wondered why a society that has no patience for the lack of realness in emotional modulation or conventional manners can still heavily encourage the plastic physical facade that lines the pockets of many a plastic surgeon and his/her pampered pooch. There's an incongruency in the definition of realness here.
I do love those tiny little pampered pooches though, especially when they give soppy wet nosed dog kisses. I'm powerless to resist.
On one hand it's blasphemous to hold your tongue in a situation of conflict because your true emotions aren't expressed, while on the other, outward signs of wayward realness are acceptable. By this I mean that it's common to walk through the streets and see women with olive skin and bleach blond hair who have invested thousands into rhinoplasty, breast augmentation, laser resurfacing,inconspicuous behind the ear facelifts, permanant makeup, brazilian straightening, and so on and so forth.
I've long wondered why a society that has no patience for the lack of realness in emotional modulation or conventional manners can still heavily encourage the plastic physical facade that lines the pockets of many a plastic surgeon and his/her pampered pooch. There's an incongruency in the definition of realness here.
I do love those tiny little pampered pooches though, especially when they give soppy wet nosed dog kisses. I'm powerless to resist.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
pressured push
Looking around me I don't see leaves falling from multihued trees, mostly because fall in israel this year has been warm above the norm and generally winter brings green to our country in diametric opposite to winter in north america. Nevertheless, strangely, I'm animated. I feel mobilized. I feel empowered to deal with matters that I'd left untouched and unfinished.
At the same time I feel like there are demands from everyone around me. I want to give as much as I can but at some point I need a little bit of time to recharge so that I can stay plugged in to the pace that can maximize benefits.
When I need a recharge I like to shut off my phone and disappear for a night, whether it's with friends or on my own, I need it. Since I'm so long in the tooth at this point, I have the luxury of looking back and reflecting on what's worked for me and what hasn't in terms of reaching peak effectiveness. For a while I've been burrowed like a groundhog, not really progressing and hiding my head in the sand so I would willfully not notice. If I had noticed my stagnancy, I couldn't have lived with myself because my motivation and ambition are harsh taskmasters.
I lived through a type of exhaustion that only allowed me to live because I can always keep the wheels turning but slowing to a snails pace is unfulfilling for very long.
At the same time I feel like there are demands from everyone around me. I want to give as much as I can but at some point I need a little bit of time to recharge so that I can stay plugged in to the pace that can maximize benefits.
When I need a recharge I like to shut off my phone and disappear for a night, whether it's with friends or on my own, I need it. Since I'm so long in the tooth at this point, I have the luxury of looking back and reflecting on what's worked for me and what hasn't in terms of reaching peak effectiveness. For a while I've been burrowed like a groundhog, not really progressing and hiding my head in the sand so I would willfully not notice. If I had noticed my stagnancy, I couldn't have lived with myself because my motivation and ambition are harsh taskmasters.
I lived through a type of exhaustion that only allowed me to live because I can always keep the wheels turning but slowing to a snails pace is unfulfilling for very long.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
kibbutznik in training
I'm entirely enamored with Kibbutz Eih Harod. It's the most amazing kibbutz I've ever been in. It's one of the few remaining kibbutzes in Israel that are traditionally based on the original socialist principles. Situated in the Jezreal Valley, it's nestled into the incline of a hill that Josephus Flavius (one of the chief leaders and israelite defender against the roman empire) described as appearing like a perfect breast. After rising with the sun at 5, I laced up my shoes for an exploration run around the grounds of the kibbutz, passing by the cows and goats, childrens houses, fairgrounds , olympic size swimming pool, tennis court, basketball court,gardens, schools,and nature.
The homes are built to coexist with nature. At this kibbutz nothing is at odds. I held my nose when running past the mounds of manure but breathed in deeply when I passed fragrant orange groves intertwined with hilly and twisting village pathways.It was a ride, up and down and loops around until I felt sufficiently ready to shower and meet my friends for a late breakfast in the dining room at 830.
At breakfast we watched one elderly man sit and eat 6 full ruddy tomatoes one after the other while sprinkling each with salt and I thought about how I'd easily be convinced to build a home on this kibbutz and work in the kibbutz clinic. Maybe the work would reach dead end zone, but it's still so appealing to wake up to the freshness of the jezreal valley and be inspired by fertility of the soil...hhh. This could be taken so many ways, however, I have no dionysian longings. There are no random sprinklings of children on the way. I haven't planted any cabbage patch kids lately either.
Feeling inspired we embarked on a hike up Har Barkan which is one of the eight gilboa peaks. We went straight up the rock face and it was more rock scrambling than hiking, and was probably among the most difficult paths that I've taken in israel so far. I got designated to lead since I could point out good lines to follow up and danger zones to be careful around, but I was loving every single minute despite the fact that I refused to look down until we reached the absolute top at the military look out towards Jenin, when there would be no chance that I would go tumbling on a rocky ride back down to the bottom. My self preservation instincts remain intact.
The homes are built to coexist with nature. At this kibbutz nothing is at odds. I held my nose when running past the mounds of manure but breathed in deeply when I passed fragrant orange groves intertwined with hilly and twisting village pathways.It was a ride, up and down and loops around until I felt sufficiently ready to shower and meet my friends for a late breakfast in the dining room at 830.
At breakfast we watched one elderly man sit and eat 6 full ruddy tomatoes one after the other while sprinkling each with salt and I thought about how I'd easily be convinced to build a home on this kibbutz and work in the kibbutz clinic. Maybe the work would reach dead end zone, but it's still so appealing to wake up to the freshness of the jezreal valley and be inspired by fertility of the soil...hhh. This could be taken so many ways, however, I have no dionysian longings. There are no random sprinklings of children on the way. I haven't planted any cabbage patch kids lately either.
Feeling inspired we embarked on a hike up Har Barkan which is one of the eight gilboa peaks. We went straight up the rock face and it was more rock scrambling than hiking, and was probably among the most difficult paths that I've taken in israel so far. I got designated to lead since I could point out good lines to follow up and danger zones to be careful around, but I was loving every single minute despite the fact that I refused to look down until we reached the absolute top at the military look out towards Jenin, when there would be no chance that I would go tumbling on a rocky ride back down to the bottom. My self preservation instincts remain intact.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
issifiya
Dinner with the Druze was on tap tonight. I somehow struck up a friendship with a lebanese druze with a past. When he spoke I drank his story like date nector as I had never heard anything like it and there were a million unanswered questions, most of which I hesitated to ask out of respect for his privacy. It was so cute the way he said ugiyot (cookies) and kept encouraging us to take sesame date cookies. I would have taken some, just to chastly tease him a bit, but I'm not a big cookie fan.
DateCookieguy was involved in counter insurgency efforts in southern lebanon, but moved to Israel only nine years ago. He had to build his life anew and is now fluent in hebrew and as an adult student is learning engineering at the top engineering university in Israel. Impressive, but I was dying to hear more about how he saw his identity in Israel and how he fit in to the druze community and the differances in approach to nationality between the syrian druze, lebanese druze and israeli druze.
DateCookieguy was involved in counter insurgency efforts in southern lebanon, but moved to Israel only nine years ago. He had to build his life anew and is now fluent in hebrew and as an adult student is learning engineering at the top engineering university in Israel. Impressive, but I was dying to hear more about how he saw his identity in Israel and how he fit in to the druze community and the differances in approach to nationality between the syrian druze, lebanese druze and israeli druze.
Monday, October 12, 2009
the missing glass
half full or half empty? what if the glass has disappeared? Do you still measure the water? Is the water still there or has is evaporated? Does your perception change if the water is underfoot and not within a drinkable cylinder? welcome to my world of babble.
Sleep escapes me as my mind is overflowing. How much can I share here? What are the limits of blogging? Does my namelessness translate to responsiblelessness (this word appeals to me like a word mousse)? No, hardly, I would posit.
Sleep escapes me as my mind is overflowing. How much can I share here? What are the limits of blogging? Does my namelessness translate to responsiblelessness (this word appeals to me like a word mousse)? No, hardly, I would posit.
jacked
itunes has got a new gift video in advance of the new compilation "en concert" from Jack Johnson. I tried to upload it but my frayed patience wouldn't let me sit as my computer dallied...
Sunday, October 11, 2009
unrealized freedoms
Newspapers have been reporting the arrest of an arab-israeli businessman for insulting King Abdullah. The headlines read israeli arrested in Jordan but the text eventually mentions that it was an arab-israeli which apparently is a more common occurrence than we're aware of. Most of the arrests in the past have been for grand theft related offences but this is the first for insulting the crown.
I have no doubt that this same arab who insulted the king feels his freedoms are restricted in Israel, albeit will use his israeli identity to harm our national reputation and protect himself from the charges. His family is trying to bring him home to israel by emphasizing that he needs regular medical treatment that he receives, free of charge no less, in Israel.
The entire country would be arrested if there was a law against insulting our political royalty. I love jordan but even Jordan, one of the more liberal arab countries, does not offer the thanksgiving bounty of rights and freedoms that Israel does.
I have no doubt that this same arab who insulted the king feels his freedoms are restricted in Israel, albeit will use his israeli identity to harm our national reputation and protect himself from the charges. His family is trying to bring him home to israel by emphasizing that he needs regular medical treatment that he receives, free of charge no less, in Israel.
The entire country would be arrested if there was a law against insulting our political royalty. I love jordan but even Jordan, one of the more liberal arab countries, does not offer the thanksgiving bounty of rights and freedoms that Israel does.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
230 +/-
Supposedly we were out for 180km. Somehow our ride turned into 230km plus or minus a few by the time I reached my little apartment in north tel aviv. It was a stunning ride through my favourite areas to ride with lots of climbing and kibitzing between us.
Not bad for a day of non-training and considering my level of fitness. I might head out for a run later tonight to shake my legs clear of lactic acid but it was not too shabby of an effort overall. I went Jelly Belly free today and but I drank litre upon litre of water with several replenishing stops and many vanilla crisp powerbars, which I should soon eliminate, but they got me through the distance. Maybe I'll try to qualify for Hawaii next year. Will 2010 bring me from olympic distance to ironman distance? Have I caught the bug? My 2008 training in Australia saw me do daily training sessions which included rides of 130km with a wednesday ride of 180km, but this type of mileage is closer to what we rode when I took the bike challenge of Israel "tip to tip" around passover. It's much different to ride long than to ride hard and I could never maintain my 40km pace over 180km but it could be fun to do at least one.
Not bad for a day of non-training and considering my level of fitness. I might head out for a run later tonight to shake my legs clear of lactic acid but it was not too shabby of an effort overall. I went Jelly Belly free today and but I drank litre upon litre of water with several replenishing stops and many vanilla crisp powerbars, which I should soon eliminate, but they got me through the distance. Maybe I'll try to qualify for Hawaii next year. Will 2010 bring me from olympic distance to ironman distance? Have I caught the bug? My 2008 training in Australia saw me do daily training sessions which included rides of 130km with a wednesday ride of 180km, but this type of mileage is closer to what we rode when I took the bike challenge of Israel "tip to tip" around passover. It's much different to ride long than to ride hard and I could never maintain my 40km pace over 180km but it could be fun to do at least one.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
betta butta
Each day brings something different if we just open our eyes to what exists around us. over the past few days I've been like a ice cream fueled automoton zipping from one end of the country to the other and meeting many new people in the process. People who find themselves in israel, either from birth or from immigration tend to be warm and open and it's easy to strike up new friendships or collegial relationships.
I have to wait and reschedule everything since I missed my flight but it works out a little better that I'm here. Besides the fact that leaving Israel is always difficult, I've got obligations here that would benefit from my post chaggim presence. On sunday Israel slowly wakes from it's protracted holiday slumber and by 8am we once again find ourselves at warp speed.
I haven't unpacked and probably won't. At 4am tomorrow though I'll whip out my bike and speedily re-assemble it. It won't be a ride with the team tomorrow morning, rather I'm heading out with a good friend of mine for a lengthy hammerfest. He's been offered the chance to race an upcoming november ironman event in las vegas, with an athlete that he coaches, and is trying to crash train for it. He's a strong but lazy athlete with lots of potential in the ironman distance if he could focus himself and stick to a training schedule. I try to do what I can to help him along and we do have fun riding together, although in training mode I prefer the more competitive team rides.
Sometimes he drives me nuts during the session because he tries to drop me but can't and wears himself out in the process and then the pace slows for the rest of the ride. Other times he's on form and can keep a solid pace when he's not talking my ear off about his rotating platform of sexual conquests. Embarrassingly, we have been on rides when I've run out of steam at 20km of a 180km ride and he's needed to slow for me when I'd rather get off my bike and lie prostrate on the hump of a camel for the rest of the session. He's also been incredibly patient during my long graphic discussions about men, sex and their fx. Reciprocity exists somewhat.
shabbat this weekend is all about the eyes wide open approach.
I have to wait and reschedule everything since I missed my flight but it works out a little better that I'm here. Besides the fact that leaving Israel is always difficult, I've got obligations here that would benefit from my post chaggim presence. On sunday Israel slowly wakes from it's protracted holiday slumber and by 8am we once again find ourselves at warp speed.
I haven't unpacked and probably won't. At 4am tomorrow though I'll whip out my bike and speedily re-assemble it. It won't be a ride with the team tomorrow morning, rather I'm heading out with a good friend of mine for a lengthy hammerfest. He's been offered the chance to race an upcoming november ironman event in las vegas, with an athlete that he coaches, and is trying to crash train for it. He's a strong but lazy athlete with lots of potential in the ironman distance if he could focus himself and stick to a training schedule. I try to do what I can to help him along and we do have fun riding together, although in training mode I prefer the more competitive team rides.
Sometimes he drives me nuts during the session because he tries to drop me but can't and wears himself out in the process and then the pace slows for the rest of the ride. Other times he's on form and can keep a solid pace when he's not talking my ear off about his rotating platform of sexual conquests. Embarrassingly, we have been on rides when I've run out of steam at 20km of a 180km ride and he's needed to slow for me when I'd rather get off my bike and lie prostrate on the hump of a camel for the rest of the session. He's also been incredibly patient during my long graphic discussions about men, sex and their fx. Reciprocity exists somewhat.
shabbat this weekend is all about the eyes wide open approach.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
ugghh
I missed my flight and am having the most rotten of weeks.Not exactly sure what the plan is. ughh.
Monday, October 5, 2009
TA-LA-TO-TA
Could be a song or a ribbon of scat...but it's not. I'm off to LA tomorrow after work and then to Toronto to see my family. In between there will be a race, supposedly the hardest course in the U.S. ( to be confirmed--albeit I'm in awful shape this year. a tri a try may feel like the hardest course in the U.S.), a bunch of meetings, an exam, and then family time.
I'm excited and scared. I don't mind the travel time, as I'll get a lot of work done in the air, but I have all the usual hesitations about whether I'll meet up to expectations. I'm worried about seeing how time has affected my parents and grandfather. I'm worried about how my mother will view the way time has affected me.
It's midnight, i've just finished work and am in need of some blissful shut eye. Worrying is henceforth postponed until tomorrow.
I'm excited and scared. I don't mind the travel time, as I'll get a lot of work done in the air, but I have all the usual hesitations about whether I'll meet up to expectations. I'm worried about seeing how time has affected my parents and grandfather. I'm worried about how my mother will view the way time has affected me.
It's midnight, i've just finished work and am in need of some blissful shut eye. Worrying is henceforth postponed until tomorrow.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
my fair lady redux
how do we learn to be fair to a memory? how to we learn to balance the urge to exaggerate it and turn it into a farce of itself? what if we've exaggerated it to compensate for the scorching heartache that never really goes away entirely? does it make the exaggeration fair?
what if you've never expressed the other side and you've never chosen to look on the downside and the searing sting causes you to want to obliterate the good memory by picking out the bad? are we then justified in doing just that?
does justification matter at all if someone gets hurt because of it? it really doesn't. the whole discussion becomes moot.
I'm an odd duck somewhat. I'm not very translucent. I'd easily get rejected as one of the translucent virgins of paradise. I'm all too much human but I'm not fake. I actually know who I am and I have a complicated relationship with myself but underscoring my life choices are the set of values and ethics that I inculcated. I try to live following a moral compass that isn't so much based on the mannerisms of religion but on what underlies it in the body of ethics. My worldview, or my weltershang is fluid and formative and I'm always searching for new prisms to look through.
Despite all this, i completely lack any template for working through matters of the heart. none of the above served me well. I had a mirror held up for me and I realized that I hated how I was acting but I don't know how i could have prevented myself from falling into something archaically mosaic. i don't believe in an eye for an eye and you can't really measure out an equally weighted eye. nothings ever truly equivalent. you shouldn't be made to feel what I feel because I'm aware of it. my awareness makes it unequal because who's to say that you ever knew? or if you knew you did it because of your own hurt and then nothing could ever be equal, communicated, or understood and the hurt becomes cyclic. "you" could be anyone, but was someone very real and very special to me.
I lost something and I will likely never find it again. Love was a component but it's not about love. I didn't lose that because it's mine to give away freely. I lost something else that could never be priced. It was something that I prayed for after I prayed for the health of my family. I prayed for it and then I found it. I found that something intangible that I couldn't let go of. When I lost it, nothing in my world seemed the same.
But, I have nobody else to blame and I suppose that life does move on. Some people never experience the gift or the loss. The least that I can do in thanks for having been given this, is to remember in truth and look to a fairness in my memory which has the ability to keep some of that gift alive as if it had never been lost.
what if you've never expressed the other side and you've never chosen to look on the downside and the searing sting causes you to want to obliterate the good memory by picking out the bad? are we then justified in doing just that?
does justification matter at all if someone gets hurt because of it? it really doesn't. the whole discussion becomes moot.
I'm an odd duck somewhat. I'm not very translucent. I'd easily get rejected as one of the translucent virgins of paradise. I'm all too much human but I'm not fake. I actually know who I am and I have a complicated relationship with myself but underscoring my life choices are the set of values and ethics that I inculcated. I try to live following a moral compass that isn't so much based on the mannerisms of religion but on what underlies it in the body of ethics. My worldview, or my weltershang is fluid and formative and I'm always searching for new prisms to look through.
Despite all this, i completely lack any template for working through matters of the heart. none of the above served me well. I had a mirror held up for me and I realized that I hated how I was acting but I don't know how i could have prevented myself from falling into something archaically mosaic. i don't believe in an eye for an eye and you can't really measure out an equally weighted eye. nothings ever truly equivalent. you shouldn't be made to feel what I feel because I'm aware of it. my awareness makes it unequal because who's to say that you ever knew? or if you knew you did it because of your own hurt and then nothing could ever be equal, communicated, or understood and the hurt becomes cyclic. "you" could be anyone, but was someone very real and very special to me.
I lost something and I will likely never find it again. Love was a component but it's not about love. I didn't lose that because it's mine to give away freely. I lost something else that could never be priced. It was something that I prayed for after I prayed for the health of my family. I prayed for it and then I found it. I found that something intangible that I couldn't let go of. When I lost it, nothing in my world seemed the same.
But, I have nobody else to blame and I suppose that life does move on. Some people never experience the gift or the loss. The least that I can do in thanks for having been given this, is to remember in truth and look to a fairness in my memory which has the ability to keep some of that gift alive as if it had never been lost.
hwy 6
Pulling another space cadet shawna maneuver, I ended up riding on Hwy 6 yesterday as the sun set and cars whizzed by me at warp speed. Hwy 6 is one of the roads that are banned for cyclists.
I left this morning very late because I wasn't going to ride at all. The team left at it's usual time of 6am and I wasn't among the riders. Instead, my bike and I left on an epic tour that began at the robust hour of half past nine, and continued until my foray onto hwy 6 leading back into tel aviv at half past five leading into six.
It wasn't exactly a training session. It was a mind wandering session and I was fueled my many sour jellie bellies in the process. when I'm in proper training mode, I'm pretty careful about nutrition to the point where i regularly dip into deep hypoglycemic mode and can be easily beaten by a grandmother. But, in non-training mode, when i hit the muscle glycogen empty mark, sugar never tastes better and I don't bother suffering through the bonk. I don't even like sugar or sweetness, except in the case of dark chocolate, but when I'm cooked I could even drink gatorade straight up.
anyway, fueled by jelly bellies, I was hypnotized by the circular pattern of my pedaling which steadied between 95 and 100 rpms and i rode from tel aviv up past ramla and modiin and over to sommet nachsom. Once I was near tel shahar i decided to ride up to ness harim near haddassah hospital and then back around on random roads towards tel aviv. At some point one of these random roads took me out to the hwy that I shouldn't have been on. Whereas before I've been stopped by watchful police officers and redirected, this time no one noticed me and I didn't really notice myself.
sometimes i forget that i need a dose of sunshine to feel like myself. it's lucky that we're rarely lacking that here.
I left this morning very late because I wasn't going to ride at all. The team left at it's usual time of 6am and I wasn't among the riders. Instead, my bike and I left on an epic tour that began at the robust hour of half past nine, and continued until my foray onto hwy 6 leading back into tel aviv at half past five leading into six.
It wasn't exactly a training session. It was a mind wandering session and I was fueled my many sour jellie bellies in the process. when I'm in proper training mode, I'm pretty careful about nutrition to the point where i regularly dip into deep hypoglycemic mode and can be easily beaten by a grandmother. But, in non-training mode, when i hit the muscle glycogen empty mark, sugar never tastes better and I don't bother suffering through the bonk. I don't even like sugar or sweetness, except in the case of dark chocolate, but when I'm cooked I could even drink gatorade straight up.
anyway, fueled by jelly bellies, I was hypnotized by the circular pattern of my pedaling which steadied between 95 and 100 rpms and i rode from tel aviv up past ramla and modiin and over to sommet nachsom. Once I was near tel shahar i decided to ride up to ness harim near haddassah hospital and then back around on random roads towards tel aviv. At some point one of these random roads took me out to the hwy that I shouldn't have been on. Whereas before I've been stopped by watchful police officers and redirected, this time no one noticed me and I didn't really notice myself.
sometimes i forget that i need a dose of sunshine to feel like myself. it's lucky that we're rarely lacking that here.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
the black hole
i'm the dumbass. i have no idea what's wrong with me. i have no idea how my emotions take over here sometimes. maybe i've written the flip side of the coin or maybe i habitually see things wrong. it's sunny outside but i don't feel it.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Bringing Gilad home
Hamas sent the Gilad Shalit video to Israel today and it was heartbreaking to watch. This young boy has unmatched courage and even in the video under the direst of circumstances after being held away from his family and home for three years, he still maintains his sense of humour. You can see him at the beginning of the video with a small smile as if he's almost embarrassed at the spectacle and he laughs a little at the mention of the mujaheddin before returning to seriousness.
I believe everybody wants this boy to be returned to his home. He's such an innocent. He shouldn't have to endure this. But at least he seems to have the coping tools to survive. He should only be brought home safely so that he doesn't need to test the longevity of those coping skills any longer.
Of course,realistically, to Hamas the video was more psychological warfare, but to Gilad's family it was the greatest gift.
I believe everybody wants this boy to be returned to his home. He's such an innocent. He shouldn't have to endure this. But at least he seems to have the coping tools to survive. He should only be brought home safely so that he doesn't need to test the longevity of those coping skills any longer.
Of course,realistically, to Hamas the video was more psychological warfare, but to Gilad's family it was the greatest gift.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
all the gmars of yom kippurs past
i guess the guy from my last relationship forgot to delete my number from his phone. Last week before yom kippur began, I got a gmar chatima tova. It was probably an sms that he sent to everyone on his contact list.
ajami
Just saw the award nominated movie Ajami at the dizengoff lev theatres with a few friends. Exhausting to watch and the ending left me feeling like I was hit by a sac of bricks. What an absolutely disturbing movie. gritty and real, I recognized most of the places in the film and the dynamics felt familiar. It read like a treatise on the cycles of violence and racism and was underscored by the differences we demonstrate in how life is valued. Why do we mourn one child more so than another and how do we prevent futility from taking over? It was filmed in time disjointed skips and with a camera style that allowed us to feel in the moment absolutely.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
