My mom called me this afternoon to tell me that she and my father have decided to sell the house. Apparently they've had an offer to purchase far above the value of the house. Our house is beautiful and my mom designed it herself 29 years ago. It sits top a hill with a ravine fringing the road and the backyard porch overlooks all of toronto including the CN Tower and the network of green ravines leading from the suburbs to the downtown area. I'm very attached to this house and still carry many vivid associative memories. My father doesn't want to sell it but my mom is far less attached or so she thinks she is. In my family, my mother is the impulsive one, while my father has always been the cool minded rational thinker.
I get a lot of guilt tripping from my mother. It's pretty much non-stop. I love my parents deeply but, I do have a lot of difficulty dealing with it sometimes. Today's guilt trip involved my mom illiterating how she has to sell the house because it's not like she has children living in it, all her children left the nest, and I have failed in my daughterly duty to fill the house again with a next generation of rambunctious grandchildren. So, essentially, she's selling the house because I didn't become a suburban homemaker. I'm such a black sheep. Actually, I'm not a sheep at all which makes it far worse.
She promised me that she would keep my baby grand, my beautiful piano.
Friday, September 4, 2009
UNSW and the tale of the Toshiba
Years back, when I was still a student and while I was still entranced and willing to spend months on end doing repetitive and monotonous benchwork for the thrill of the results, I was accepted to take part in an online research collaboration organized by the University of New South Wales. It was a Genomics international research project called Omnium. We were split up into groups, and mine was named the Merope Team. My groups project involved using the genomic tools made available to us through UNSW to study HIV Progressors compared to Slow and Non-Progressors based on GP-120 Structure. The idea was to utilize exceptional high quality genomic visualization tools and the expertise of young colleagues from universities around the world, to push forward and test out a new research frontier. The platform and results are probably still online somewhere. At that time I remember thinking that it was a wasted big pharm opportunity to not create vaccines based on the gp-120 region of the HIV virus. We spent a great deal of time working with visualizations of GP 120 and also GP 41. The regions with these two proteins are the most stable and slow to mutate areas of the HIV Virus. The HIV virus uses these proteins to bind to and infect healthy cells.
Today the journal Science published paper from a talented team out of Scripps in la Jolla who discovered two antibodies that bind to both GP 120 and GP 41 in 3/4 of HIV strains found. Interesting finding to come so many years after our initial project. maybe it's because we did it in affiliation with UNSW which is located on the island of Australia. an island. far away in far far away land. I hope more attention is paid to this discovery and that the WHO is able to devote more funding.
Today the journal Science published paper from a talented team out of Scripps in la Jolla who discovered two antibodies that bind to both GP 120 and GP 41 in 3/4 of HIV strains found. Interesting finding to come so many years after our initial project. maybe it's because we did it in affiliation with UNSW which is located on the island of Australia. an island. far away in far far away land. I hope more attention is paid to this discovery and that the WHO is able to devote more funding.
eumelanin and pheaomelanin
White hairs have been isolated and identified hiding within my mop of hair. I thought it might have been sun highlights like the kind I used to get every summer when I lived in the water, but no. These are the real deal. I briefly considered pulling them out, but I'd rather have white hair than no hair.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
no if and when
Bob dylan crowed about how we've got to find the path where there's no if and when. That we have to trust ourself to find it. That we can only really trust ourselves.
We should trust ourselves to know the way that will prove true in the end. His song is about urging us to place trust in no one but ourselves otherwise we'll always be let down. I wonder if in this vein trust and faith are twinned.
There are degrees of trust that we place in each other. Some of us have no concept of what real trust is. I used to have some sort of strong faith in myself that I've felt wane over the past few years. But, I trust that if I commit to something or to someone that I'll follow through. In this I am absolute. I know that I will always be there to support those that I care about. My family knows this and I'm pretty sure my friends do to.
Who do I trust? Not Don Juan in any incarnation that's for certain. I feel like I need to close off and protect myself from him.
We should trust ourselves to know the way that will prove true in the end. His song is about urging us to place trust in no one but ourselves otherwise we'll always be let down. I wonder if in this vein trust and faith are twinned.
There are degrees of trust that we place in each other. Some of us have no concept of what real trust is. I used to have some sort of strong faith in myself that I've felt wane over the past few years. But, I trust that if I commit to something or to someone that I'll follow through. In this I am absolute. I know that I will always be there to support those that I care about. My family knows this and I'm pretty sure my friends do to.
Who do I trust? Not Don Juan in any incarnation that's for certain. I feel like I need to close off and protect myself from him.
borders and boundaries
I wonder if it would even be possible to travel through Amman onward into Syria according to existing restrictions in place regarding Israel stamps and visas. Even so, If I made it there, would I be jeopardizing any chance of developing the public health focus of my career in Israel? It's easy enough for me to assert that health is a human right and that it's apolitical and that within my NGO I can function as a professional bridge, or as my mentor A likes to call it... "an honest broker for peace". He prefers to not use the term collaboration. Actually there are many terms which we're not supposed to use in our public health work, and many phrases that we're encouraged to utilize with our cross border partners so that they feel more comfortable acknowledging our existence and are more likely to take our hand. Language has such an immense role.
my own language skills have vastly deteriorated since I was unceremoniously tossed into the dumping grounds. I avoided anything associated with mr.dump. My hebrew speaking friends and colleagues commented on how I completely stopped speaking to them in hebrew for a long while, whereas before I would struggle through entire conversations, patient workups and journal club sessions with corrupt, mispronounced, pidgen hebrew. Of course, avoiding hebrew is the fastest way to create a cement ceiling over my career progression here. But, who knows whether I'll be strong enough to stick it out in the long term, or even in the short term. Now that there's been some distance, I actually am starting to feel like I want to speak it again. knowing a language really comes down to wanting to know it, sponging up as much as you can, and having the will to use what you know. But, what you learn can disappear in a second in tandem with the disappearance or waning of the will.
At this point arabic would be just as useful to have in my toolkit. There's a two week course taking place in a bedouin village in the south that serves as an arabic immersion program. This might something that I'm keen on taking soon.
As for a trek to syria, I'm not entirely sure that I want to dip my toes in troubled waters that will cause me problems in my home country with a government that might question my intent. I'd like to reach across the border but it'll depend on what the risks entail.
my own language skills have vastly deteriorated since I was unceremoniously tossed into the dumping grounds. I avoided anything associated with mr.dump. My hebrew speaking friends and colleagues commented on how I completely stopped speaking to them in hebrew for a long while, whereas before I would struggle through entire conversations, patient workups and journal club sessions with corrupt, mispronounced, pidgen hebrew. Of course, avoiding hebrew is the fastest way to create a cement ceiling over my career progression here. But, who knows whether I'll be strong enough to stick it out in the long term, or even in the short term. Now that there's been some distance, I actually am starting to feel like I want to speak it again. knowing a language really comes down to wanting to know it, sponging up as much as you can, and having the will to use what you know. But, what you learn can disappear in a second in tandem with the disappearance or waning of the will.
At this point arabic would be just as useful to have in my toolkit. There's a two week course taking place in a bedouin village in the south that serves as an arabic immersion program. This might something that I'm keen on taking soon.
As for a trek to syria, I'm not entirely sure that I want to dip my toes in troubled waters that will cause me problems in my home country with a government that might question my intent. I'd like to reach across the border but it'll depend on what the risks entail.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
syriana
Two major refugee camps exist for palestinian refugees in Syria. Both are run under the direction of the UNRWA. Yesterday I was walking home and I took a route that brought me past the egyptian embassy and a travel agency that specializes in transportation and travel to Egypt, Jordan, and Syria. I peeked through the window and then quickly clamored inside so as not to let out too much of the AC. It seems that it's a pretty simple proposition to get oneself to Syria. It means travelling to Amman and then catching a bus and travelling only another two hours to get into Syria. From there the refugee camps are situated along the railway and are easy to get to.
I got in touch with the UNRWA this morning. They only have two doctors in the one clinic serving the entire refugee population in the region. I might like to go take a short trip and see what we can do. The last refugee camp I was at was in ghana with a refugee population that had entirely different needs I'm certain, given that the refugee population in syria is the oldest refugee population in existence. The camp has been there for over 60 years with no internal momentum towards development. This perplexes me.
There were and are large sums of money flowing towards the palestinian refugee cause, however one would think that after 60 years these refugees themselves would have made some attempt to improve their standard of living. It's been 60 years. Who wants to live in a hovel with no privacy, sanitation, and rampant infectious disease, for 60 years? In 60 years, Israel built itself into a modern democracy. Clearly no one was expected to create a nation out of a refugee hut, but to not even have the motivation to build separate dwellings for their families? The victimization irks me and it's the secondary and third generations that have lost out since their parents made some sort of choice to not create towns or villages or any stable and healthy existance, even if transient. Regardless of the choice that was made, health care must be provided. Health care is apolitical or should be. So, maybe we have some sort of an extended role in Syria too. I might like to look into it as a next destination.
I got in touch with the UNRWA this morning. They only have two doctors in the one clinic serving the entire refugee population in the region. I might like to go take a short trip and see what we can do. The last refugee camp I was at was in ghana with a refugee population that had entirely different needs I'm certain, given that the refugee population in syria is the oldest refugee population in existence. The camp has been there for over 60 years with no internal momentum towards development. This perplexes me.
There were and are large sums of money flowing towards the palestinian refugee cause, however one would think that after 60 years these refugees themselves would have made some attempt to improve their standard of living. It's been 60 years. Who wants to live in a hovel with no privacy, sanitation, and rampant infectious disease, for 60 years? In 60 years, Israel built itself into a modern democracy. Clearly no one was expected to create a nation out of a refugee hut, but to not even have the motivation to build separate dwellings for their families? The victimization irks me and it's the secondary and third generations that have lost out since their parents made some sort of choice to not create towns or villages or any stable and healthy existance, even if transient. Regardless of the choice that was made, health care must be provided. Health care is apolitical or should be. So, maybe we have some sort of an extended role in Syria too. I might like to look into it as a next destination.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
passed around playthings
By virtue of the fact that I'm a women, and am debatably living in the most sexed up, liberal, open and accepting city in the middle east, on my own, I'm very often the target of the well meaning dating pimp. Well meaning dating pimp (WMDP) can come in the form of a close friend with a speed dating business who needs a favour, or a friend who is convinced you need to embark on a number acquisition quest which she can help with. I am forged of steel and all the well meaning dating pimp is able to do is try to chisel away at my steely intent to never ever, even if a meteor is headed towards earth, never go on a date or end up in a relationship.
But, I've done favours for just such a well meaning dating pimp and gone as a substitute at one of her speed dating events, which was boredom incarnate. it consists of 5 minutes of mindless chatter feining interest in some testosterone challenged,falafel smelling, speed dater's online bingo start up. Then we switch partners and repeat 10 times over. I was pleading for deliverance after the first one but fought to make it seem like I was enjoying the company. Why not make people feel good knowing someone is interested? The night involved a lot of acting engaged. I half expected a dating oscar at the end, but would have been just as pleased if I could have been kidnapped by Oscar from sesame street. Trash cans hold more fascination than these events. Not that I'm saying we were all trashy by attending. Who knows why anyone else came. Maybe they were doing favours for someone too.
Maybe it pumps up their confidence and they can be empowered to find someone who is truly interested in them. Dating pimp was short on woman and had many men. As her close friend I of course was obligated. Watching paint dry would have been more interesting and poking myself with an ice pick would have been more appealing. But a friend is what a friend does. I wasn't obligated to mark down anyone's name and so I didn't. One problem with doing these types of things is that even if you didn't write anyones name down, somehow these men will track you down like hunters on facebook. At least we can choose to ignore friend request.
The other day I had an interesting experience with Don Juan. Reflection brought the realization that I'm not the least bit excited by him. He may be able to get any woman he wants but that category of any excludes me. He can go play with the thousands of peppy american girls on vacation who would be in some sort of 7th heaven to go back to the U.S. with a sex on the beach story with him in it and some lascivious naked frolicking pictures to go along with it.
Upon hearing of my interesting experience and consequential epiphany, another friend decided that I had to sleep with her boyfriends best friend. Why? Because then he can be a pleasure buddy and that apparently is exactly what I need. Why him? because then we can have more fun going as a foursome for late night thai. What is that? It seems that he has had a dry spell for the greater part of a year. I've never met him. I refuse to meet him on principle. Her pushing him on me actually served to push me away from the idea of ever wanting to meet him and I definitely am not into sleeping with him. I felt insulted with her timing and told her so, and of course she told me that she was insulted that I wouldn't at least evaluate him. Am I wrong? I don't think so.
But, I've done favours for just such a well meaning dating pimp and gone as a substitute at one of her speed dating events, which was boredom incarnate. it consists of 5 minutes of mindless chatter feining interest in some testosterone challenged,falafel smelling, speed dater's online bingo start up. Then we switch partners and repeat 10 times over. I was pleading for deliverance after the first one but fought to make it seem like I was enjoying the company. Why not make people feel good knowing someone is interested? The night involved a lot of acting engaged. I half expected a dating oscar at the end, but would have been just as pleased if I could have been kidnapped by Oscar from sesame street. Trash cans hold more fascination than these events. Not that I'm saying we were all trashy by attending. Who knows why anyone else came. Maybe they were doing favours for someone too.
Maybe it pumps up their confidence and they can be empowered to find someone who is truly interested in them. Dating pimp was short on woman and had many men. As her close friend I of course was obligated. Watching paint dry would have been more interesting and poking myself with an ice pick would have been more appealing. But a friend is what a friend does. I wasn't obligated to mark down anyone's name and so I didn't. One problem with doing these types of things is that even if you didn't write anyones name down, somehow these men will track you down like hunters on facebook. At least we can choose to ignore friend request.
The other day I had an interesting experience with Don Juan. Reflection brought the realization that I'm not the least bit excited by him. He may be able to get any woman he wants but that category of any excludes me. He can go play with the thousands of peppy american girls on vacation who would be in some sort of 7th heaven to go back to the U.S. with a sex on the beach story with him in it and some lascivious naked frolicking pictures to go along with it.
Upon hearing of my interesting experience and consequential epiphany, another friend decided that I had to sleep with her boyfriends best friend. Why? Because then he can be a pleasure buddy and that apparently is exactly what I need. Why him? because then we can have more fun going as a foursome for late night thai. What is that? It seems that he has had a dry spell for the greater part of a year. I've never met him. I refuse to meet him on principle. Her pushing him on me actually served to push me away from the idea of ever wanting to meet him and I definitely am not into sleeping with him. I felt insulted with her timing and told her so, and of course she told me that she was insulted that I wouldn't at least evaluate him. Am I wrong? I don't think so.
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